Touching Grass in Toronto

And eating my body weight in butter tarts

I took a somewhat impromptu vacation to Toronto and I cannot stress enough how little I planned for this trip. If you couldn’t already tell, I’m very much a “makes a Google Sheet for a vacation” type of person, but this time around my Google Sheet only had my flight and Airbnb info and I had a few places of interest bookmarked in Google Maps - this is nothing for me. But that’s sort of the nice thing about taking a vacation not too far from home - it’s enough of a change of scenery to feel fresh, but familiar and comfortable enough that you know you can sort of just wing it. And although we had a bumpy start to the trip (2 canceled flights and a desperate search for a rental car), I had such a great time wandering through Canada for a few days. So today’s issue is a short recap of my trip because I had so much fun (and I love Toronto so much) that it felt worth sharing.

And although I had a nice few days unplugged from my life in NYC, I did take some time to update my Voter Guide. The mayoral primaries open for early voting this Saturday and a lot has happened since I first published it 3 short weeks ago. I watched the debate last night too and I have to say, my boy Brad did really well! If you’re still not sure who to vote for though, maybe you want to take their bagel preferences into consideration?

Day 1 - Scarborough, Rouge National Park, Toronto at Night

Beef and I decided to stay in Scarborough, which is just a 15-20 min drive east of Toronto. I feel like I always hear horror stories of Airbnbs, but I’ve honestly never had anything but very good and normal experiences, so that’s what I usually opt for. The simple addition of having a fridge and a microwave (and sometimes a washing machine) always makes it feel worth it to me. We stayed here and I slept on the most comfortable futon I’ve ever encountered.

After dropping our stuff at the Airbnb, we grabbed a quick bite at Lebanese Bakery and then made a beeline to Rouge National Park, which proclaims to be one of the largest urban parks in North America. As much as I love NYC, sometimes I really just need to be surrounded by trees and far away from the trappings of my chosen urban life. Entry to the park is totally free and we found ample parking at the Mast Trailhead, along with park rangers who had us spin a wheel and try to identify animals native to the area. I guessed correctly and got a sticker and temporary tattoo. Natch.

We got the halloumi flatbread, za’atar flatbread, and a spinach feta pita pocket - all fabulous

Rouge isn’t very hilly and doesn’t really offer any spectacular lookout points, but I really enjoyed the lush greenery and all of the floral smells that came with it. The trail was pretty heavy on mosquitos because we were surrounded by very slow moving streams on all sides, so I did come away from the hike with tons of bug bites. But my trick is that if you pretend the bug bites don’t exist and refuse to give them power, they won’t itch. Beef couldn’t quite wrap his mind around that mantra so he ended up very itchy.

Violet's as far as the nose could smell

After getting our fill of nature for the day, we decided to take a quick drive into Toronto and kill some time before we got hungry for dinner. While leaving the park, we encountered signs that read “Julie’s Butter Tarts →” so naturally, we followed them. We were just about to give up when we finally came upon a little red shack manned by Julie’s son. Earlier that day Beef asked me what Toronto is known for and I mentioned butter tarts, so this find was totally kismet! We walked away with 6 tarts - classic, pecan, apple, and reese’s pieces. Julie’s butter tarts were very gooey and definitely had a strong butter taste, which is to say they were excellent. We both loved the classic, with pecan and apple tying for second.

Trying to figure out how to culturally appropriate butter tarts so I can start selling them in NYC

Once we made it to Toronto, we hit up the pinball bar I used to go to when I visited for work - Tilt. $10 will get you a hand stamp and all day entry to enjoy arcade games, pinball machines, and console games all set to free play. Beef and I began with a few rounds of Super Smash Bros and Mario Kart on N64 and then split up to play some pinball. I really enjoyed their Jaws pinball machine and come summertime, all I want to do is watch Jaws because I don’t go in the water anyways. We drove back towards our Airbnb and finished the night at an all you can eat sushi place so we could compare the offerings to Kaiten Zushi in NYC. The verdict - the sushi here was much better. Beef especially liked the mayo crab on crackers and he once again had to have his iPad privileges revoked because he began to panic and over order.

I maintain that Bowser and DK teamed up to ruin our lives in Mario Kart

Day 2 - Toronto + Toronto Islands

I booked us a Toronto Food Tour that took us on a walk through St Lawrence Market and ended in the Distillery District. The St Lawrence Market building was originally their City Hall and housed jail cells in the basement. It reminded me of Chelsea Market a bit if Chelsea Market wasn’t always insanely crowded. Canadians have a different definition of “crowded” than we do in NYC, I learned. Our tour guide, Allison, was great and she had us taste salmon candy (basically maple lox), peameal bacon sandwiches at Paddington’s (basically ham), nanaimo bars at a bakery owned by Ukrainian refugees, and of course poutine. Beef was surprised how much he liked the nanaimo bars because they had coconut in them. And we both really loved the salmon candy (jews lol). We also tried the “viral” 3 sauce ravioli and who’s gonna tell the Canadians that we’ve had tri-color pizza in NYC since just about forever? The tour ended with another butter tart and this one was less molten in the center and much more caramelized and chewy. I think I liked it just as much as Julie’s tbh - the choice would just come down to whatever mood I’m in!

We were pretty full at the end of this tour, so we decided to venture to the Toronto Islands and work off all of the Canadian fare we’d just consumed. There are three ferries that depart to the three ends of the islands and they basically run every 15-20 min, so it’s pretty easy to go back and forth. There are Tangerine bikes on the island near each port (basically Citi Bikes) so we rented those and I hopped on a bike for the first time in nearly a decade! I used to love riding my bike around Long Island when I was younger, but I’m honestly a bit scared to ride in the city because I’ve known people who’ve gotten hit by cars (and trucks). I ended up having so much fun riding around the islands, though, that I’m at least committing to riding around Roosevelt Island sometime this summer because there are minimal cars there (who wants to ride with me 🥺). The islands have some small beaches, a little amusement park, and various historical markers recounting the history of the area (I obviously read all of them). The views of Toronto from the island were also pretty sweet!

My ride!

Dinner that night was a recommendation from my friend, Lauren (real ones might remember when Lauren and my other friends from Slack visited and I took them on a dumpling tour and a trip to The Cloisters). We went to Mother’s Dumplings and all I can say is wow. The food there honestly rivaled some of the stuff I’ve eaten in NYC Chinatowns. I was so happy to see that they had pork and dill dumplings; those are popular in Northern China and don’t make appearances on most menus. We also got what I thought would be a basic ass dish - beef and broccoli - but the beef was incredibly tender and the sauce was so thick and meaty. I dipped my pork and dill dumplings in that sauce and I recommend that you do, too. We also really loved the fried pork dumplings and the lamb dumplings. Mother’s is a surprisingly big space and if you walk towards the back to use the bathrooms, you’ll see folks hanging out and rolling the dumplings. It’s a very cute place and will absolutely be going on my list of Toronto must-visit-spots.

Day 3 - Niagara Falls and Visiting Lauren in Hamilton

We woke up early for our 2 hour drive from Scarborough to Niagara and made a stop at RPM Bakehouse for a quick breakfast, at the recommendation of our food tour guide. This was such a good choice. I had probably the best blueberry scone of my life; it was kind of a combination scone/biscuit, so the biscuit part made the scone more moist and the scone part gave the biscuit part a crunchier top. While we drove the final stretch, I booked up the Niagara Falls Adventure Classic Pass, because it included parking and some attractions and overall made my life easier since I hadn’t planned a damn thing.

Aerocar + White Water Walk

We visited on a slightly rainy Monday, so the crowds weren’t too bad and I think that really made our experience better - lines were short, buses were plentiful, and children were minimal. Our first stop was the aerocar and I guess when I looked at it on my phone I thought it was enclosed like the Roosevelt Island Tram. Nope - turns out this bitch is totally open, and it was raining, and it travels across Class 6 rapids, 3,500 ft up. Oh and once you get to the other side, they make everyone walk around the car so that you can ride on the other side on the way back. It was definitely cool, but I held on to the rails so tight my knuckles were as red at the cable car. After that, we took a short bus ride to the white water rapids, which were also Class 6 (that just means they’re super strong). There’s a boardwalk that goes down pretty far, with a couple little platforms that offer cool views. There was even a fun photo thing that took your photo when you waved at it, but of course you had to pay for the photo.

A wild place to eat, indeed

After that, we took a break to eat at Canada’s only Rainforest Cafe, because why would you eat anywhere else when this is an option?? Turns out everyone would rather eat anywhere else because the place was basically empty when we showed up. I was a bit bummed that they didn’t have the guy with the live parrots out front, but there was a huge eel/fish(?) in the fish tank that was pretty cool. The food was…food. Listen, you don’t go here for the food! Could I have made better nachos myself and not burnt all of the cheese? Sure, probably. But is my apartment ceiling covered in vines and does it break out in thunderstorms every 10 minutes? Absolutely not. The moral of this story is: do the touristy thing because it’s fun.

After lunch, we went to see the actual Niagara Falls and got to to the journey behind the falls, too. You can actually get a great view of things just from the parking lot, but we also got to go on a little platform right the fuck next to the falls. We could see the little Maid of the Mist boat down below, and I honestly think we got a cooler view. There were also little tunnels that had viewing platforms literally behind the falls and my picture simply does not do it justice - that water was comin in hot. The collector in me also enjoyed that each attraction gave out stickers that you could add to a little passport book to indicate which attractions you visited. Gotta catch ‘em all, amiright?

Beef vs Snake

After we had our fill of the falls, we took a short drive to nearby Hamilton to visit my friend, Lauren! We took a short stroll around Albion Falls and saw some baby waterfalls and also a baby snake. This was the moment I learned that Beef does not like snakes, as is evident by his hesitant demeanor in the above photo. The snake did eventually cross the road on its own and we were able to safely proceed.

But the best part of Hamilton was absolutely visiting my friend and meeting her son for the first time! You know how kids are like super honest? Like if they don’t like something you can immediately tell because they don’t have the ability to just pretend to be kind and not hurt your feelings. When I rolled up to Lauren’s house her little guy’s face immediately appeared at the door and I was greeted with a big smile and a “HI EDEN!” I died. Everyone should experience such a moment of pure innocence and glee. I gifted little man a puzzle and I think we became best friends.

Lauren took me and Beef to Shorty’s for NY style pizza and I am very happy to report that they got it right. We got the spicy sausage pie and the crust was adequately crispy, but not too thin (I don’t like a too thin crust). Apparently dips are a big thing in Canada, so our pizza came with little cups of a garlic dill dip. I am not a pizza dip person, it feels wrong to me, but Lauren suggested dipping the crust and that was something I could get behind. They also had something called nodini on the menu, which turned out to just be a fancy way to say garlic knots. The dough was slightly sweet which was nice, but they needed wayyyyy more garlic. But the piece de resistance was their banana pudding! I took Lauren to Magnolia when she was in NYC and she returned the favor by introducing me and Beef to Shorty’s version of the treat. Beef loves Magnolia pudding and he said Shorty’s is pretty comparable, though he did wish there were a few more nilla wafers mixed in. I’m glad I managed to eat some pudding on the drive home, because Beef woke up in the middle of the night and finished our little tub 🥲

Anyways, I always have a good time when I visit Canada and Toronto in particular reminds me of a little NYC - super diverse, great food, but everyone is just a little bit nicer. I made a playlist of only Canadian artists for me and Beef to listen to all weekend and yeah, there’s obviously a lot of Rush and Sum 41. Who do you think I am?

• The Annual Egg Rolls, Egg Creams & Empanadas Street Fair is this Sunday June 15! Admission is free and there will be food vendors and activities set up to celebrate the Asian/Jewish/Hispanic trifecta of cultures that have made their mark on the Lower East Side.

• I’m very sad to be missing Pigeon Fest on the High Line on Saturday June 14 (rain date Sun)! It’s a full day festival celebrating pigeons, urban ecology, and public art. There will even be a pigeon lookalike contest!

• Juneteenth is coming up next week and I’m super lucky to have the day off. I’ve gone to the Weeksville Heritage Site’s Juneteenth Food Festival the last few years and I totally recommend it! There will be a ton of Black-owned vendors onsite with delicious food, but you have to make sure you look at the historic houses onsite too.

• Matcha has somehow become incredibly popular and while I’m happy to be able to grab a cup at more places, it also means that there’s more shitty matcha out there. My rule of thumb is that I generally only buy matcha from Asian-owned places because they’ve been at this for a while and haven’t just suddenly jumped on the trend. Maum is an Asian gift store that will be hosting matcha popups every weekend in June. Matcha can vary wildly, so this is a great chance to try and see what you like!

• I know I promised to write about some Queer history and I really will get to it next week, but in the meantime The Whitney is hosting Queer History Walks weekends in June. You’ll get to visit historical sights around the Meatpacking District and learn about their importance in Queer history. These walks are free, but they do recommend registering beforehand (although walk-ups may be accepted).

• My partner works for Malin + Goetz so Aesop is sort of the enemy, but I do have to commend them for creating Free Queer Libraries year after year. From June 26-29, the Rockefeller Center location in NYC (and others in other cities) will clear their shelves of product and instead stock books by LGBTQ+ authors. And the best part - you can walk right in and take a book for free, no purchase required.

• If you’ve ever looked for an apartment in NYC, you know that the process can be difficult at best and demoralizing at worst. Now, we at least have one less thing to worry about with the FARE Act being passed. Say goodbye to paying broker fees to brokers that you didn’t even hire and say thank you to City Councilman (and certified cutie) Chi Ossé for making it happen.

Me to Beef - we have Original Shoreline Markers at home!