How do you like them apples?
Fall is upon us 🙌 🍂
This past weekend I went on a little trip upstate with my friends to pick apples and while I am now drowning in apples, I am also very happy to have spent time with all of my favorite people. I’m very fucking fortunate to be friends with the same people I grew up with and it’s wild to me that I literally have friendships old enough to vote. This is an appreciation post for all of my friends, but especially for all of my friends who read this shit every week (not DJ, apparently). Thanks for making a bitch feel loved.
Although I have a literal bounty of fruit in my fridge, I went out to eat upon arriving home. Lorenzo and I have been wanting to try Lori Jayne for a while and they’re one of the few-ish places open on Monday. Since the pandemic, tons of places have remained closed on Mondays (and sometimes Tuesdays) and while I totally get it, it’s also very inconvenient for me when I’m hungry and want variety.
Upon returning home I also settled into one of my favorite pastimes: watching Architectural Digest videos on Youtube. And one video that I watched inspired me to write about one of my favorite Central Park monuments!
I think I first heard about Lori Jayne on Rob Martinez’s tiktok. He previously worked with Righteous Eats, but has since ventured out on his own and did a whole series on Bushwick that I fuckin loved. I’d walked past Lori Jayne a bunch, but because it was attached to Alphaville I didn’t really pay it any mind. I’m not a bar girlie, so there are admittedly tons of neighborhood spots that I simply look past. But once I heard that this bar was also serving some legit food, I immediately bookmarked it to try.
The entry situation is immediately a bit confusing, even though there’s a sign outside. You have to go in the Alphaville door and upon entering you’re immediately greeted with some funky decor and very colorful bar. There was a sign reading “Order Here” that beckoned to Lorenzo and I, so we grabbed a tiny menu off the bar to see what our food options were. The menu is short - there’s chicken nuggets, burgers, fries, and wings. When we asked about the specials (as another sign directed us to do) we were told there was also chili (which could be added to basically anything) and their famous $20 steak frites. As far as I can tell, they almost always have the steak frites available because people love them so much, but they’re not listed on the menu as a regular item so you have to ask for it. We rounded out our meal with some mocktails (they have a decent n/a selection) and grabbed a table, which were plentiful at 6:30pm on a Monday night.
Our drinks appeared first and they were…fine. Listen, I understand that mocktails at most bars are an afterthought, I get it. I don’t love paying $10 for glorified seltzer and lime juice, but I do it sometimes anyways. These mocktails were refreshing enough, though according to The Infatuation their actual cocktails are much better. You go there and be the judge.
Lorenzo and I each got a cheeseburger and one order of the steak frites to share. The cheeseburgers arrived and those bebes looked good. They were truly simple AF but that’s the real test of a good burger because there’s no crazy toppings like mac and cheese or brisket or pounds of bacon to hide behind. The burger was served on a lil potato bun and I appreciate that the burger itself wasn’t comically large and actually fit the bun; I hate that bullshit that some places pull. Each time I took a bit I couldn’t wrap my head around why this burger was so good. It was salty in all the right ways, super meaty, and just downright tasty. Was it the cronchy pickles? The salty bone broth stewed onions? No dear reader, the good-ness of the burger came down to one simple thing, the very first ingredient mentioned:
Our steak frites were plopped down on the table and I am so sorry that my shitty photo doesn’t do them justice; I really struggled to get a pic in before Lorenzo started devouring them. The fries were very crispy cronchy despite serving as the base of a very saucy steak au poivre. I really don’t like shoestring fries (the worst fry, IMO), but in this situation they did just fine (though waffle fries would have been off the fuckin chart). The steak was also really good and they did not skimp on the serving size despite the modest $20 price tag (modest for steak frites in NYC, anyways). The sauce was so fucking rich and the sprinkling of scallions added a nice fresh contrast. Apparently they add Sichuan peppercorn into the sauce, but I’m dead inside so I didn’t get any of the spice/numbiness. I wish the steak had a bit more of a crust on it, but I honestly don’t eat that much steak so really what do I know?
Lori Jayne is absolutely a hidden gem in Bushwick, though maybe I’m just late to the party. I’d skip the drinks next time and probably just order more food. I’ve heard that the wings are delicious, so those might be next on my list.
If you’ve ever visited Central Park or The Met with me, there’s a good chance I’ve taken you to see Cleopatra’s Needle. It is quite literally the most random structure in the park; t’s a fucking obelisk from Egypt! Don’t tell me you also weren’t obsessed with watching the Travel Channel in the 90s back when the people on it actually traveled. I feel like Egypt was everywhere for a while and somehow a big rock from the country ended up in NYC’s backyard. And as it happens, NYC’s needle has a twin that ended up where most artifacts from Egypt end up - London. But before I tell you how the NYC got the obelisk, we’ve gotta go back about a few years to 1475 BC.
Both obelisks were originally made in Heliopolis (present day Cairo) for Pharoah Thutmose III. Thutmose was apparently a plain jane though, because as far as I can tell his obelisks didn’t have any inscriptions on them. I guess they were just big sand dicks? Anyways, about 200 years later Pharoah Ramesses II added inscriptions on the obelisks detailing his military victories. Apparently Ramesses had a habit of writing stuff on existing structures and also it had been 200 years of staring at these plain ass obelisks, so I guess people were ok with it.
It was at this point that the obelisks were removed from Heliopolis completely and transported to Alexandria. There, they entered Roman hands and were set up in the Caesareum, which was a temple built by Cleopatra in honor of Mark Antony or Julius Caesar (historical records are unclear). This is also the time that folks started referring to them as “Cleopatra’s Needles,” a very early example of cultural appropriation I guess. At some point one of the obelisks fell over and was mostly buried in the desert sand. By the 1600s the obelisks were well-known structures and it was common for European folks to stop by on sightseeing tours.
By the 1800s, Britain had a heavy presence in Egypt and people were basically obsessed. Actually, can I please switch gears for a moment and tell you about my absolute favorite fact of all time: it was Europeans that used the word “mummy” to describe embalmed bodies; Egyptians did not call them mummies. And that’s not all. Europeans ate mummies because, due to various mistranslations and etymological errors, they believed them to be medicine. Is this not the most mind-blowing shit you’ve ever heard? This is literally my favorite thing to talk about and I would love to talk about it more, but I also don’t want to get too sidetracked, so if you’re interested, start with this article.
Anyways, it’s now 1819 and Muhammad Ali Pasha of Egypt decided to gift one of their obelisks (the fallen one) to Britain to thank them for their help in some battles or something. I honestly feel like the fact they gave Britain the fallen obelisk is kind of a diss, but maybe I’m reading too much into things. Unfortunately shipping was not included and Britain literally left their ancient gift in Alexandria until they were able to raise the funds to move it in 1877. It currently sits on the Victoria Embankment.
Once the US saw that Britain got an obelisk though, we decided that we wanted one toooooo wahhhhhh.
So in 1877 we sort of convinced Egypt to “gift” us an obelisk, too (and we got the one that stayed standing so 😜). Thankfully, NYC was full of rich ass dudes who were able to finance the obelisk’s journey across the Atlantic. Actually, some pretty famous names contributed to getting the obelisk to NYC. Henry G. Stebbins initially put out an ask for money to cover transportation costs and big daddy William Henry Vanderbilt footed most of that bill. William was the brother of Emma Stebbins, the bad bitch who sculpted the Angel of the Waters. Roebling Iron Works provided a bunch of machinery to help move the obelisk (as in Emily Roebling’s family, our queen who built the Brooklyn Bridge). So it really was a who’s who of NYC royalty making this thing happen!
The obelisk arrived on Staten Island on July 20, 1880 and began its incredibly slow journey uptown to Central Park. It was delayed by blizzards and on more than one occasion folks tried chipping off pieces to get a free souvenir. But on January 22, 1881, the obelisk was finally raised in Central Park on Greywacke Knoll, right behind The Met. Something you’ll notice about our NYC obelisk is that it has four crabs as the base with Roman writing on them. The crabs that are there now are replicas of the the decorative bronze crabs that were added when the obelisk moved to Alexandria. All they really say on them is “Caesar put these here on this date” and you can actually see two of the original crabs inside The Met.
Now something I always wonder is just how exactly it’s ok for this very old thing to just sit outside all of the time??? Like The Met is literally right there and it’s gigantic and already had a complete Egyptian temple inside of it, surely there was room for this obelisk? Don’t get me wrong, I love that it’s in the park, but it’s looking weathered AF and I’m not the only one who thinks so. The secretary general of the Egyptian Supreme Council for Antiquities, Zahi Hawass, said on multiple occasions that NY better figure out a way to fix that shit otherwise we should send it back to Egypt. There have been multiple restoration projects done on the obelisk, including one with lasers, but hieroglyphs are still looking a little rough.
The area that the obelisk sits in, though, is absolutely gorgeous. There are benches all around it and in the spring the fluffiest magnolia trees bloom all around. If you’re ever in the park near The Met, look up and you’ll likely see the tip peeking out behind some trees. For a big ass obelisk, it’s actually somewhat hidden in the park, which makes it a really impressive place to bring people to because they won’t believe that we have something like this right in NYC!
As evidenced above, I obviously love going down internet rabbit holes. One such rabbit hole I’ve gone down before is researching the Rainforest Cafe. I particularly enjoyed watching this video of Eddie Burback visiting every Rainforest Cafe in North America. Imagine my glee upon finding out the Rainforest Cafe will be popping up in none other than the Empire fucking State Building in October! It looks like you just need to buy tickets to the 86th floor to walk through the pop-up. Will it be crowded? Yes. Will it probably be a stupid money grab? Also yes. I will be requesting PTO for this.
It’s a good weekend for art in Brooklyn! Bushwick Open Studios run from Sep 27-29 and lots of art studios in the neighborhood will have cool shit going on. The mysterious colorful house of Skewville will open its doors to the public (and allegedly there will be cats). Further south in Flatbush Artmageddon will take over the streets on Sep 29 and feature both art and music!
@forthebreakfastclub and @sendchinatownlove are partnering for a Chinatown Breakfast Crawl on Oct 6. They’ll be stopping at Dreamers for coffee, Sun Hing Lung for rice rolls, and Yu & Me Bookstore. See you there?
If you also want to be surrounded by an overwhelming amount of apples but have yet to make any apple picking plans, may I interest you in a hike + apple picking outing combo this Saturday? $124 will get you transportation to a farm upstate, a guided hike, and a ride home. Sure it’s not cheap, but it’s more fun than fighting for the unbruised apples at the Union Square Trader Joe’s.
If you’d rather stay local and go sans apple, head up to Ft Tryon Park this Saturday for a guided stroll through their beautiful Heather Garden. You’ll get to “explore 3 acres of stunning greenery, including one of the largest heath and heather collections on the East Coast, along with 650+ plant varieties, breathtaking Hudson River views, and historic stone walls.” And the best part is that it’s Free.99 baby!
With soup season just around the corner, I want to give a shoutout to my fabulous haircutter’s
. Please all give Markee a round of applause because she was recently accepted into the prestigious Rancho Gordo Bean Club, so you know this season’s soups are gonna be lit. Also, she recently posted a video detailing how to clean your tilty windows because she contains multitudes.In less good news, wtf is up with Mayor Eric Adams and all of his homies? They’ve been getting raided left and right and yesterday Adams was indicted by the Federal Grand Jury. If you’re not familiar with the Adams Cinematic Universe, Hell Gate broke it down beautifully with a color coded table of all of his friends and confidants and whether or not they’re currently charged with anything. We should get more info today about what Adams’ clown ass is being charged with and what that means for his future as mayor and I can’t recommend The City or Hell Gate enough; they provide absolutely stellar local reporting.
Man! That pie is epic