Do you know the muffin man?
THE MUFFIN MAN?!
This weekend I found out that one of my friends was not familiar with Smash Mouth. A thing you need to know about me is that I 100% unironically love Smash Mouth. Their Astro Lounge album had a permanent spot in my 3 disc cd player. I once saw them perform a free show in a park in Massapequa. If I was ever put on the spot and told to sing a song perfectly without messing up a single lyric, I would choose All Star. I love Smash Mouth.
I mention Smash Mouth 1) to shame my friend and 2) because in this week’s newsletter we’ll take a trip to the Muffin Man’s house, as mentioned in Shrek, which famously featured Smash Mouth on their soundtrack. I passed by this house while cat sitting for a friend and knew I had to write about it! Also - I had a lovely little weekend cat sitting in Downtown Brooklyn, so I’m sharing a fun explore rec for you to have a nice stroll in the neighborhood.
Sorry in advance for all of the memes in this issue. I feel like we’re in a heavy memesphere at the moment and sometimes I just need a little silliness to distract me from the world. I’m particularly enjoying the Kamala Harris/Coconut Tree/brat memes. The world is weird and it’s important to remember that we exist within the context of all in which we live and what came before us. Or do we live in a society? There are too many memes in my little head. It’s so confusing sometimes to be a girl.
Most believe the muffin man lived on Drury Lane, but in fact he lived on W 20th Street in Chelsea. Don’t believe me? Well there’s an official plaque, so suck it Lord Farquad!
I’m not talking about your classic American muffins though, I’m talking about Thomas’ English muffins with the nooks and crannies. And now you might be thinking again: English muffins? Surely those are from England where there is in fact a Drury Lane. Bitch, call me Gwen because I’m about to blow ya mind.
But first, lemme take you all back a bit to the 1800s. Clement Clarke Moore was a rich bitch whose family owned a lot of land in present day Chelsea. Longtime readers may remember CCM as the guy who gave us our modern version of Santa! Well, he also had a hand in developing the Chelsea neighborhood and although he initially envisioned it as an enclave for the elite with brownstones and mansions, Chelsea instead became a very respectable middle class neighborhood. And us middle class bitches love pastries, so it was only natural that a bakery should open within the largely residential area.
Enter, Samuel Bath Thomas. Thomas left England in 1874 with a toaster crumpet recipe and a dream. When he settled in NYC someone probably said “wtf is a toaster crumpet” so Thomas decided to call them English Muffins (because he is English and he baked muffin-adjacent things) and his trajectory towards becoming the NYC Muffin Man began. He opened his first bakery in 1880 at 163 Ninth Avenue but business was so good (because even old-timey bitches love bread) that he soon expanded around the block to 337 West 20th Street in the early 1900s. The ground level of that building was previously used as a foundry, so it already had a history of hot stuff going down in the basement.
Business was a-boomin and just as a new english muffin factory was being built in LIC, the nooks and crannies king passed away in 1918. Thomas’ relatives carried on the business for a while but eventually the little bakery-apartment closed and the company was sold to a bigger corporation. And so the memory of Thomas’ little bakery on W 20th St faded and folks forgot that the english muffins we enjoy with a pat of butter and some jam were invented right in our backyard…..
But plot twist: it turns out the bakery wasn’t forgotten, just boarded up! In 2006 two residents of the building, Mike Kinnane and Kerry McInerney, were doing some renovations and found something peculiar behind their radiator. Remember when that girl discovered a path from behind her bathroom mirror into another apartment? This was kind of like that except the path led to a giant fucking brick oven the size of a big room, roughly 15 x 20 ft. They pulled back some floor boards and cut a small hole in the wall to expose a dark abyss with an arched brick ceiling and char in some places and what appeared to be a window — or likely an oven door. There were rumors that the old oven may be underneath the building’s backyard, but here it was right in the basement under an apartment!
The residents had an urban archaeologist (dream job?) and employees from Thomas’ come onsite to validate the origins of the oven and it turned out it was legit. Barry Slobodow, an engineer for Thomas’ plants, took a look to see if the oven could be removed and relocated to a Thomas’ facility, but unfortunately it couldn’t because it was quite literally part of the foundation of the building. “You try to move it, and all you’re going to end up with is bricks,” he determined.
The oven actually stretches under the backyard of the building, which is now a co-op that costs a lotta dough to live in (bakery joke, hehe). It’ll probably be underneath this building forever, until someone tears it all down to build a new luxury high rise. The residents of the building have said that folks from Thomas’ gave them an old framed photo of the space that they have hanging in the lobby, so if anyone reading this can get me into The Muffin House to see that photo please let me know! When I passed by the other day I peered through the front door, briefly so as not to be too creepy. I could see a couple framed photos in a brick hallway the led to the backyard, so I once again implore anyone with a connection to the Muffin House to please help me gain access so I can see these pictures!
The best part of cat sitting in getting to stay in other folks’ bougie apartments and over the weekend I got to hang out with Oscar and Delilah in their fancy Downtown Brooklyn high rise. The area itself has the personality of a wet rag, but the proximity to all things good is undeniable: DeKalb Market (and my beloved Alamo), latkes and egg creams at Junior’s, Ft Greene Park and Clinton Hill to the east, and Brooklyn Heights to the west. Since we were blessed with a not-too-hot Sunday morning, I decided to explore my old haunts in Brooklyn Heights and take a leisurely stroll along the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.
The Promenade came to be after WWII and like lots of urban design in NYC at the time, it involved the ever controversial Robert Moses. Rumor had it that Moses was looking to build a Brooklyn-Queens connector and he planned to drive it right through Brooklyn Heights, which even then was a very affluent neighborhood. Naturally, the residents were aghast, but this might have actually been a bluff by Moses all along to actually build what would become the BQE at his preferred route along the East River. I get it bro, sometimes I deliberately send my boss one really bad option as a distractor so that he’ll agree to the rest of the things I want, it’s a classic move really. So long story short, the BQE was built and the Promenade was built on top of it, another great example of layered urban design similar to what we see in Central Park.
The Promenade runs from Remsen St to Orange St, though recently Squibb Park Bridge was built near the Orange St end to connect the Promenade to Brooklyn Bridge Park below it. The path offers gorgeous views of lower Manhattan and I really enjoyed sitting there on that sunny morning watching all of the ferries go by. It is also absolutely wild to me that this path is quite literally some folks’ backyards; I will never understand what it’s like to be this kind of wealthy (though if enough of you become paid subscribers I can dream!).
The Promenade is obviously a nice little walkway and a great place to have a seat on some benches, but what else is in that area? You know I need a little treat in my hands at all times, so I’m going to share some places nearby that I love.
I started my morning at Sippy Cafe and got a banana bread and iced strawberry matcha to enjoy on the Promenade. Sippy has lots of Asian-inspired food and drinks and their prices are really not bad considering the nice area they’re in. Next time I want to try their maple hojicha latte.
I think Brooklyn Cat Cafe was the first cat cafe in NYC? They’ve been around since 2007 and manage a foster program as well as offering a low cost medical clinic onsite. They offer Caturday Yoga sessions on weekends and a regular 30 minute cat session will only set you back $12.
I’ve been going to the Hanco’s on Montague St for over a decade now, so they hold a very special nostalgic place in my heart. I used to help run a film festival in the area and I would get a bahn mi and bubble tea there for dinner most nights. I would even bring home more bahn mi for Lorenzo and his family. Are these the best and most authentic bahn mi you’ll ever have? Probably not. But they’re cheap and delicious and Hanco’s also has a nice seating area upstairs if it’s just too damn hot outside.
Book Are Magic is a beloved independent bookstore also on Montague. They are such a neighborhood gem so if you’re looking to grab a book and read it on the Promenade, this is the place to get it.
Previously known as the Brooklyn Historical Society (and actually the Long Island Historical Society before that), the Center for Brooklyn History is a short walk from the Promenade. It’s also part of the Brooklyn Public Library system now, which means it’s completely free to enter!
Chama Mama opened a second location in Brooklyn Heights! Their other spot is in Chelsea and their Georgian food is absolutely delicious. You can’t go wrong with any of their versions of khachapuri.
Just south of the Promenade is Cloudy Donuts, a delicious vegan donut spot. I took Lorenzo here and didn’t tell him the donuts were vegan - he had no idea.
I have not been to L’Appartment 4F, but I feel like I need to tell you it’s there. I’m slightly bitter because that building used to be my go to ice cream spot in the area, Emack and Bolios. I simply cannot justify waiting on a crazy line to get a croissant or spending $50 on croissant cereal.
Thankfully I discovered a new ice cream spot nearby: Amai Ba. Their house special seems to be the gulab jamun sundae, but I’m a pandan girl and I was super impressed by their recipe. It had bits of toasted coconut in it!
The area is also just perfect for walking around and appreciating the architecture. The area is home to tons of pre-Civil War buildings, brownstones, and carriage houses. It also contains a bunch of streets named after fruit!
It’s a Chinatown Night Market weekend! This Friday night a bunch of vendors will be popping up in Forsyth Plaza. Kabisera’s Filipino pastries are absolutely divine and The Little One’s kakigori are perfect for a hot day (which is all we seem to have lately 🥵)
Hikerkind is celebrating their launch into Paragon sports with a hike from the tippity top of Manhattan to Union Square on July 27. I’ve done the walk all the way down to The Battery and it’s honestly so much fun; you’ll pass tons of new locations in neighborhoods that you don’t frequent. This group hike is free to attend, but you’ve gotta register!
Lazy Suzy in Bushwick is having a popup this Saturday with Simply Noms! Get your pre-orders in now because I will fight you for a scoop of that matcha strawberry tiramisu.
@thenoshtable and @challahbackgirls_ are teaming up for a Challah Braiding Party on August 7! Tickets are $80 which sounds kinda steep, but it also includes wine, dinner, and your baked loaf of bread to go!
McCarren Parkhouse is throwing another Disco Draw event with @bobblehaus on July 31 from 7-9pm. Tickets are a pretty reasonable $30 and the first 20 folks to arrive will get a free Moleskine notebook (everyone else gets regular supplies too, though). The whole session is guided by full-time artist @theartistzac so beginners are more than welcome.
I have been wanting to take a tufting workshop at Scattered Kind for so long and luckily right now they’re having a 40% off flash sale! Their workshops are usually $200+ so this is a great opportunity to get a sick discount.
Brooklyn Film Camera is having a yard sale this Saturday July 27. Have your pick at cameras, rare films, expired films, collectible pieces, miscellaneous accessories, camera cases, photography books, camera manuals, vintage slides, swag, and more! They recommend arriving early for the best picks because apparently things get heated. Cold beer from Brooklyn Brewery will be available to all 21+ attendees.
Loved the tour of my hood, Brooklyn Heights! And I’ve actually gotten to see inside some of those brownstones that back up to the promenade. They are truly bonkers.
The Muffin Man from Drury Lane is a serial Killer!!!