Trust the Fungus
Trust the Fungus
In Mario Mario and Luigi Mario, we trust
BCLF just hit 200 subscribers 🕺🕺🕺 You guys, I fuckin knew we could do it. Thank you so much to everyone who has read anything that I’ve written and shared it with a friend. Writing this newsletter brings me so much joy and when people ask what I do, I say I write this because I get to choose how I identify. So truly, thank you. I’m playing around with doing a little holiday giveaway for paid subscribers, so there has never been a better time to lean in and throw a couple bucks my way. More on that soon!
Today, I’m writing about two things that genuinely live in my head rent free. The first is an obscure grave in Riverside Park. A grave in a NYC park? Who would ever think 😏 I will say that this story is kind of sad, so if you’re not in the mood for that today skip the Learning section. The second is the 1993 Super Mario Bros movie. I spent the beginning of my 1:1 with my manager today making him watch the trailer and confessing my love for this film so yeah, it’s important to me. If you have seen this movie, I would love to hear about it in the comments.
There are a lot of dead people in NYC. The internet tells me that there are 1,700 cemeteries in NYC - but those are just the official ones with marked graves. There’s also the African Burial Ground, which contains the remains of 400+ Africans buried during the late 17th and 18th centuries. Hart Island is a potter’s field that houses at least 850,000 residents who couldn’t afford burials and experienced an uptick in burials during the pandemic. And then of course there are the thousands of bodies buried underneath most of our city parks. A few individuals, though, managed to get themselves interred in strange public spots around the city. I know of 3 unique public “graves” in NYC - the Worth Monument, Grant’s Tomb, and the Amiable Child Memorial.
Grant’s Tomb is a pretty famous one, so I’m not going to cover that now. Even if you don’t know what the Worth Monument is, I bet you’ve passed it if you’ve ever been near the Flatiron Building or Madison Square Park:
The Amiable Child Memorial, though, is one that a lot of people haven’t heard about. Park of that is likely due to its location; it’s tucked away in a random corner of Riverside Park, which is itself pretty far north in Manhattan and doesn’t get as much attention as the more centrally located parks. It also kind of lives in the literal shadow of Grant’s Tomb which is nearby. It’s not the final resting place of anyone famous either - the person buried is not a US president or a war general, but rather a small child who met an untimely death.
Today’s story begins on Nov 11, 1792 - the day that little St Claire Pollock was born. His father, George Pollock, was a partner in Yates & Pollock, a successful Irish linen business, and he married his partner's daughter, Catherine Yates, because I guess that’s good business? St Claire was the apple of his father’s eye and would become the older sibling to a brother and sister by 1796. But this is unfortunately where our story takes a turn.
The Pollock family lived on Strawberry Hill in Van Dewater Heights, which is basically present day Morningside Heights. Back then, northern Manhattan was sparse and St Claire enjoyed playing on the part of their property that would one day become Riverside Park. On July 15, 1797, St Claire reportedly got too close to the edge of a cliff and fell into the Hudson. His body was found the next day as it washed up onto the nearby rocks.
The Pollocks were devastated by the loss of their sweet St Claire and chose to bury him in his favorite spot on their property rather than a church graveyard. They placed an urn over the burial site with the inscription:
The Pollock family would only live there for a few more years though, due to financial hardships. The linen business simply was not booming and in 1799 the family sold the land to the Verplancks. However, upon the sale George Pollock insisted upon the following:
“There is a small inclosure near your boundary fence within which lie the remains of a favorite child, covered by a marble monument…The surrounding ground will fall into the hands of I know not whom, whose prejudice or better taste may remove the monument and lay the inclosure open. You will confer a peculiar and interesting favor upon me by allowing me to convey the inclosure to you, so that you will consider it as a part of your own estate, keeping it, however, always inclosed and sacred.”
And fam - the Verplancks came through!! They built a little fence around the grave and kept it safe. The land would change hands numerous times over the years and each time, the little grave remained per George Pollock’s wishes. In the 1870s, the land around the grave became part of Riverside Park and fell into the ownership of the city. Yet still, St Claire’s memorial remained intact.
St Claire’s memorial gained renewed interest when Grant’s Tomb was built nearby in 1897. In fact, folks wouldn’t consider the pilgrimage uptown to visit Grant complete unless they also stopped to pay their respects to little St Claire. This did become a bit of a double edged sword though, because by the 1920s the memorial had fallen into rough shape due to vandalism. Some dumbasses wanted to take relics home with them and began chipping pieces off of the urn or taking bits of the fence. The combination of vandalism and weathering had badly eroded the monument, but it wouldn’t be replaced until 1967.
The little monument still stands in Riverside Park and is now cared for by NYC Parks. In addition to this memorial, St Claire also has a street nearby named after him - St Clair Place. No idea why the “e” was removed, but NYC does have a history of misspelling street names. St Claire’s story is sad AF, but it’s very bittersweet to know that his memory remains alive after 200+ years because people simply kept being kind and doing the right thing.
And now for something completely different…
When Susannah told me that Metrograph was screening a 35mm print of the 1993 Super Mario Bros film and asked if I wanted to go, there was no hesitation. I grew up playing Mario games and my father’s proudest moment was watching me beat the original NES game that he never could (you have to speed run through world 8-4 and time your jumps just right). I don’t remember when I first saw this movie, but I remember loving it immediately. Some say that this movie wasn’t a success, but to that I ask you: Did the film make money at the box office? No. Was it an accurate adaptation of the video game material? Not really. Did the actors involved at least list this experience as a cherished memory? ……no. Ok fuck it I don’t care - I proudly proclaim my love for this movie in the same way that I will tell anyone who will listen how my favorite Batman films are the Schumacher ones. Love is love, babe.
Some say that this movie was the beginning of the video game adaptation curse (it was the first live action video game adaptation). The decision to make a very dinosaur-forward Mario movie was certainly a choice. Sure there’s Yoshi in the games, but dinosaurs were never really a huge theme in any Mario game. Some folks think that the movie went in this direction because of the recent release of Super Mario World, which gave Yoshi a starring role, but the script was ultimately rewritten like 5 or 6 times so who even knows. The filmmakers wanted to do something unique with this movie and while they certainly succeeded there, it took the story into another realm that simply wasn’t Mario - it was Dinohattan y’all!
Yes that’s right, in an alternate realm there exists Dinohattan, which was created when that big meteor hit earth and split our realities. In Dinohattan, dinosaurs evolved into…still humans, but like a little more lizardy. This pretty much makes no sense in Mario canon, but just go with it. Toad isn’t a little mushroom guy in a vest, but rather a busker who sings anti-koopa songs. Goombas aren’t little mushroom guys with no arms; instead they’re folks that Dennis Hopper’s King Koopa has de-evolved. And I guess technically everyone in Dinohattan is a Koopa, but none of them look like turtles. Also you would think Princess Peach would be in the movie, but instead we get Princess Daisy. Oh and her dad has de-evolved into a giant fungus that has taken over the city. Are you following me?
Dennis Hopper is a great King Koopa, even though he would go on to absolutely blast working on this film and was apparently kind of a dick to everyone on set. But like, just look at him. I can only assume they told him to be kind of a dinosaur, but actually be a human descended from dinosaurs, and also we’re gonna do cool stuff with your hair. And fam, they got all of that.
And as for Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as our heroes Mario Mario and Luigi Mario - NO NOTES! Legend has it that these two also hated their time on set and basically began drinking as filming began and never stopped. Despite that, I feel like they both turned in killer performances, like these men acted for their damn lives. Hoskins doesn’t play the plumber as his usual bouncy woo-hoo-ing self, no no, we get something better. He is a surrogate father and wingman extraordinaire to his little bro Luigi. This isn’t my papa’s Mario - this Mario routinely threatens to fucking kill people because he’s had it with King Koopa’s shit. He goes titty deep in a woman’s bosom to retrieve a piece of meteorite macguffin after admitting to her that he enjoys some light slapping around. He’s got a date coming up with a hot babe at Wrestlemania! This Mario is a goddam man and I’ll have to insist that you listen to my friend
talk about her love for Hoskins’ Mario on the Piecing it Together podcast (skip to 1:07).
And playing perfectly off of Hoskins is my sweet baby John Leguizamo. This is the movie that made me fall in love with John Leguizamo and was also his big break as an actor (after this he would make Carlito’s Way). I was always a Luigi girl growing up and this is the Luigi we deserve! He’s hot AF (gratuitous shirtless scene? check), adorably awkward around Daisy, and is the one who really encourages Mario to embark on their adventure to Dinohattan. Dare I say that Luigi is the real hero of this movie?
This movie has been the source of tons of think pieces; most people hate it but there’s a fun little corner of the internet comprised of folks who just revel in how fucking weird this movie was. Interestingly, the movie had a scene at the end that almost made this fuckwad of a film make sense:
The scene was right at the very very end when the Mario brothers were back in Brooklyn. And there’s a knock-knock-knock on the door, and it’s two executives from Japan from Nintendo. They’ve come to buy this story — the life story of the Mario brothers — because they want to use it in this video game they’re producing. They write down the story, dictated to them by Mario and Luigi, and it all gets lost in translation. And that was the crucial scene of the movie because it made sense of the entire movie and why the movie was so different to the video game, because it got lost in translation by Nintendo. We shot it and everything, but they cut it out.
- Rocky Morton (co-director)
Do you mean to tell me….that this Mario movie could have aligned with the same kind of fan theory that explains why the Schumacher Batman films are so different tonally from the Burton ones???? Everything makes sense now…
If you want to watch a Mario movie that is just a carbon copy of the video games with gratuitous easter eggs that ChatGPT likely wrote, watch the reboot. But if you wanna watch something that will actually challenge you to fucking think (mostly because it doesn’t make sense, but I digress), then I’m going to have to insist that you cough up the money to buy a DVD, because this baby is not streaming anywhere. This movie has easter eggs too, but they’re actually harder to find because, again, most of them don’t make sense. But don’t let that discourage you - just remember: trust the fungus!
I have a ton of Halloween events coming up 🎃
If there’s one thing you can count on rich people to do, it’s decorate their homes to the nines. The Upper East Side is a great place to take a Halloween walk. The residents of Bay Ridge, Dyker Heights, and Prospect Park South get in on it, too.
Sparrow Funeral Home in Greenpoint is hosting a Death Cafe on Oct 31. They’re a really interesting alternative funeral home that holds lots of events related to death, grief and end of life. This is a bit more of a somber event, but there will still be snacks, candy, and mini casket painting.
Rule of Thirds is hosting a Halloween Kanpai Drag show on Oct 27. Tickets are $25 and any food purchases are separate (but well worth it, their food is delicious). Remember to bring cash to tip the performers!
One of my favorite sober accounts has organized a Booze-free Halloween Bash in the LES on Oct 28. I don’t drink by choice and sometimes it’s hard to find fun events that don’t put an emphasis on alcohol. This one will have a full non-alc bar & jello shots, drag performances, flash trivia & a costume contest. Tickets are $40.
If you’re looking for something a little darker, Red Pavilion in Bushwick has an Outer Darkness party happening on Oct 25. This one’s definitely a little more freaky and will involve “a night of mind-bending rituals, shibari, cirque, drag, and DJs. Surrender yourself to a realm where the fabric of reality is woven with threads of cosmic horror and erotic hedonism.” Get freaky for $55.
Attend the High Line’s Halloween: Ghostly Gardens celebration on Oct 26 to learn about Ralph Lee and the history of the Village Halloween Parade. Some of Lee’s original puppets will be on view!
Also on Oct 26, Yu & Me Books is participating in a Halloween Book Crawl. Each book shop will have their own events, so be sure to look them all up to see what’s going on. At Yu & Me, you can get a free sponge cake with a book purchase!
Also also on Oct 26, Sour Mouse is hosting a Halloween Party. BCLF loves Sour Mouse, especially because this event is free to attend! You’ll have to pay to play pool or get drinks of course, but the vibe is sure to be lit, as the kids say.
Cafe Urban Backyard in Nolita wants you to carve some pumpkins with them on Oct 28. This event is totally free and pumpkins will be provided - be sure to DM them to RSVP so they can get enough supplies.
I went to Le Petit Monstre near Ft Greene a few weeks ago and was very impressed by their vegan pastries. If that’s not enough for you, on Oct 29 they’re having a Horror Trivia Night. Arrive in costume for a chance to win spooky prizes, sip brand new cocktails, and enjoy all-night happy hour drink specials.
The Vessel has just reopened to the public after closing due to a string of unfortunate events onsite. There’s protective netting up now that will hopefully keep everyone safe.
Also open - Chrissy’s Pizza in Greenpoint! Chris Hansell has been selling pizzas out of his Bushwick apartment for a while and they were simply impossible to get. I’ve been drooling over the photos of his pizzas and hope that this new space will make them more available.
The Bed-Stuy Aquarium is no more! For the moment, at least. There’s never not drama at this fish puddle, which would be a cute idea if a 5 year old came up with it but realistically should not exist in the world.
The Whitney Museum will be free for all visitors 25 and under starting in mid-December. The Whitney isn’t my favorite museum, but I love that they’re making visiting accessible to more folks. Other ways to get free or discounted tickets to museums is by using NYC Culture Pass or IDNYC.
Finally, the company I work for is doing a giveaway where you can win a lil espresso machine and without saying too much, I’ll say that you probably have a good chance of winning if you want to enter.
Sign up here: https://vtagz.com/claim?token=YPrAK8Z9&content=social&platform=instagram&traffic=brand_channel&audience=ig
Buy Bored Cow from a store near you.
Text us your receipt before Oct 31. Don’t say I never did anything for ya!
congrats on 200!! up next 2,000 and then onto 2 million!!!!!!!!! ♥️
What a film!!!! I cannot believe this truly is not streaming anywhere - it has Pluto TV written all over it.
And what a sweet story about St. Claire - how this kid could be remembered so long after his short life because his dad wanted to honor him and a bunch of nice strangers obliged over the years. What a thing. (Also, his bithday is the same as Zeeb's - November 11th breeds favorite children.)